One remarkable thing I admire about the non-Muslim community around us, especially Christian Community is their pre-marital Course. Through these lectures and the preachings therein they get to know the purpose of the holy custom called marriage. There may or may not be flaws in the system, but when it comes to reality their marriages are preserved at least a 20-50% better than our Muslim community because of this awareness, I believe, especially in the Indo Pak Sub-continent. Our Muslim brothers and sisters here, are as confused about the purpose of the Marriage as they are about the Purpose of Life.
The word “confused” is different from “being ignorant”. Confusion arises only when there is more than one choice. And Ignorance is when there is really no choice or no knowledge at all, as applicable in this case. Regarding the Purpose of life, we, the Muslim ummah knows what’s been taught to us by Quran and Sunnah, at the same time we want to follow what the worldly attractions and temptations pose before us. Thus we get trapped in between the choices and get nowhere! Same happens in the case of purpose of marriage, we get confused between Islamic teachings and Cultural teachings and we get nowhere!
Most of the men and women who are getting married still don’t clearly know what the sole purpose of it is; even those who are married for long, though not everyone, at least a considerable percentage doesn’t know! Some women in our society, thinks that they have to evacuate their home and get rid of the burden from their parents’ shoulders, or just have to follow what everyone does, or they need some source to fulfill their financial and cosmetics needs, or they need someone to make them happy throughout with all sort of filmy romantics, or they need to get married to have children and to keep generations and traditions going, or to show to the world that they too have someone to roam around, take pictures with and post in social media, the list goes on…
On the other hand some men think that once they fulfill the financial needs of the spouse, then he has fulfilled his duty. Some thinks that I’ve to marry because my parents are getting older and I’ve to go for work and someone is needed at home on full time duty to take care of them. Some thinks that I’m marrying to satisfy my physical needs whereas some does it just to flow with the needs of the society. Some does it to have a full time duty person at home to take care of his food, cleaning his home and washing his dress. Some marries for the sake of fulfilling their duty towards parents and they seek their actual mates in the outside world, here too the list goes on.
This is not an attempt to point fingers to each and every husband and wife or to be married brothers and sisters. But a good percentage of our society’s mindset is running on these frameworks, it’s an unavoidable truth, which kills our Islamic ummah inch by inch and it’s becoming the major cause of our next generations’ reckless life.
In Islam, as any other deeds, Marriage is also primarily an act of worship, as we know, through which we try to please Allah Subhanahu wa tha’ala, by obeying HIS commandments that husband and wife love each other and help each other to pave their way to Jannah, the final destination, make efforts to continue the human race which follows Islamic Teachings and nurse their children to become true servants of Allah and thereby establish a peaceful generation. Along with these, as with any other deeds, it gives men and women chances to enjoy their life in the bounds of Shariáh, to satisfy their physical and emotional needs and so on. We are taught by our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) that “Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5066) and that "Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, and marries for the sake of Allah, he has indeed perfected his faith." (Jami-a-Tirmidhi)
In Quran Allah (عز و جل) taught us –“He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts and this is among His signs. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect” (Surah – Ar-room 30- Verse 21). Lots and lots of such guidance can be seen if we dig deep into Quran and Sunnah.
How many of us gets the complete essence of these teachings and live a married life accordingly? And do you know any one of those couples who live in accordance with these teachings; yet they admit that their marriage life is a failure, and that they are leading a life without peace?? I can strongly say NO!
It’s high time to get educated ourselves and pass it to our brothers and sisters, and the upcoming generation about the real Purpose of Marriage; the teachings about marriage, the sacredness of it, the rewards of it, the obedience in it so that we can serve at least our duty as a Muslim towards our ummah, and give our helping hands to those who suffer already and those who are going to enter into the holy-knot without the knowing the purity of it, the blessings in it!
May Allah help and guide us! (Ameen)
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